my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
