"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
