I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
