Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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