Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just high enough for therapy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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