Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
