i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
