You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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