not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
