i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sorry about my life...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
