Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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