she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
