I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
