It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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