Soap is not a condiment
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
