Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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