I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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