with your own penis?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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