I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She's the barista slut.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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