Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
