From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
