could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
