how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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