I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
