can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
