New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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