he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
