I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
