it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
