I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
