If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize