remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
