i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
