is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
