Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
