So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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