I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
