The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
