So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
