Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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