The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
how does that bad decision feel?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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