one might say we're banned from that church
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
