I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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