in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
