did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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