Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
