That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
