he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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