it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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