remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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