so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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