I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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