Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There's always time for handjobs
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
