so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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