pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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