There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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