Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
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It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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