In America we eat man semen.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
