my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
