i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
