Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
