shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
