sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
