If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
