I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
