my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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