Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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