Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
