Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
