i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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