I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
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then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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