Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
