apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
40s are totally the cure
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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