Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I accidentally had phone sex last night
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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