You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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