My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
